**Disclaimer. Raw, my real life life, post.
A few weeks ago, I half-jokingly told a friend that I was soon to commence on Operation: Get my Sh** Together. (Only I didn’t use the asterisks.) What I was saying is that it was time to get my stuff together. After months of not ‘having it together’, it was time. And I had a date set to begin the mission.
I had good intentions. (Don’t we all.) What I forgot is that life cannot be controlled. Day one of my mission actually went pretty well. Get the kids off to their first day of school – check. Read my Bible – check. Start running again – check. Eat decent – check. Do some preK work with my baby – check. Go through her new chore chart – check. Not a bad day.
But day 2 was a little rocky. And by day 3, my baby had no intentions of doing any sort of fun school activities and the thrill of putting stickers on her chart had worn off. (She’s got her daddy’s DNA.) And the plan where my kids would easily mesh and adapt into their new school routine? Not so much. Change is hard. Much harder than we could have ever guessed.
Today was full on blowing sh** all over the walls. No getting it together, collecting it neatly in a pile. No, it was a hot mess, ugly crying, mean words, bad mom, horrible wife, I-give-up kind of day. I used to be afraid of these kinds of days. And honestly, I wasn’t expecting to have one this soon into Operation: Get my Sh** Together. But I’ve walked this deal long enough now and added enough decades with Jesus to know that He isn’t afraid of these kinds of days. He isn’t surprised by these kinds of days. No, these are the kinds of days He likes to jump right into the middle of.
Funny thing is, He spoke to me this morning before I was even fully awake. “I will do what I said I will do.” What? What the he** does that mean? What did You say, Jesus? I can’t even think of what the hay this could mean. But it’s been repeated over and over in my spirit all day long. Jesus continues to speak when we suck at life. When we suck at doing things His way. When life is clobbering us and we feel no victory. He speaks.
I’m so grateful for His pursuit of us. So grateful for His mercy and kindness – I’ve experienced His generosity in these areas over the last few months. I have no idea what tomorrow will look like. I have my pretty list. I have my ideals. I hope I respond to life in a Christ-like way. But even if I don’t, He will not fall off the throne. If I never get my sh** together, He is still faithful. He is still God. And knowing that, trusting in that kind of God, means I can’t help but go forward. He is the God who has my world in His hands – whether I feel like I have it all together or not.