“Where do we go from here?”
This is the question I have for the Lord in 2016. 2014 was a year of financial breakthrough and redemption yet a year of spiritual dryness that led to spiritual depth. 2015 was full of disappointment but also amazement. It was full of His kindness, full of dreams fulfilled, promises realized. But also a year of mystery and of loss. In some ways, I feel I am at the end of a season that I don’t want to end. But also at the beginning with a fresh and clean slate. And that brings me back to, “where do I go from here?”
I have a few plans for 2016. I plan to say good-bye to my firstborn as she finishes high school and goes off to ministry school a million miles away. I plan to write another book. I plan to continue to be intentional about life and relationships. I plan to continue to watch my husband run in his passion, sometimes running with him. I plan to send my baby off to preschool.
But in the midst of my plans, I wonder what the Lord has planned. What will He grow me in this year? What kind of spiritual ‘climate’ will I be living in?
He has spoken a few things. He has given me the word ‘courage’. I have a feeling it’s meaning isn’t what I may think it is having not even stepped into the new year. He has given me a couple Scriptures that I will cling to for the year, wondering how He will apply them to my life.
In a way, as 2015 closes out, I feel as I am starting the new year in ‘nothingness’. I have achieved a goal by writing my first book and watching it’s success in ways I never dreamed. And I have lost a baby and thus been stolen the opportunity to start the year with an infant. A chapter in life has closed. I feel like I am grasping in the dark for something solid as I start a new one. And I ask Jesus again, “where do we go from here?”
If I’m honest, I’m a bit nervous at how the year will play out. I’m leery of making any New Year’s resolutions or goals but then find myself wanting to write some so that I can climb out of this ‘nothingness’. But I feel Jesus pressing His foot to the break pedal of my life and knowing the answer that I do not know to the question, “where do I go from here?”