There are some offering ups that are you making a choice to let go of something – to choose the sacrifice or the surrender. Other times, there is no choice – you are being stripped of something dear to you. In those, your perspective can be that you “had to give that up” OR that “you get to offer up something of beauty, knowing there is a reward”. Sometimes the choice is a difficult one. It can seem easier to kick, push or fight the sacrifice that must be made instead of embracing the reality of it.
Death is one of those. You have no choice in the letting go but your perspective can make all the difference in how you proceed in life. How healthy your journey goes on to be.
Growing up, I was blessed to have 3 sets of grandparents. But as I have gotten older, obviously they have too and death is imminent for us all. A few years ago, the first of my grandparents – my grandpa – died unexpectedly. He was well into his 80’s but really pretty healthy. He continued to golf most days there wasn’t snow on the ground. He and my grandma went on road trips several times a year – though they had finally given up the camper. He was not sick. He just didn’t wake up one morning.
When I got the news, our family had just returned from France and we were sitting with good friends over lunch. My mom called and was, with good reason, a bit out of sorts. It took me a minute to understand which of my grandparents had passed away. When I finally grasped what had happened, I was heartbroken. I had the most memories with this grandpa.
He taught me how to dive. I would spend hours shouting, “Watch me grandpa!” (while wearing his nose plug), as I practiced my dive over and over again. Well into adulthood, I would sit on the arm of his recliner, (my perch, Grandma called it) watching golf or the fights or an old cowboy movie with him – or maybe, Gunga Din, his favorite. There was the Christmas, when I was a young teenager, that I got shoelaces from him. Because those were the days that we DIDN’T wear shoe laces in our canvas tennis shoes and I had told him that only ‘dorks’ wear laces. So the tiny package under the Christmas tree read “To Dani – the dork”. Yes, this man would be incredibly missed in my life but I would need to choose my attitude – my perspective – in this offering up.
Still to this day, I see men that remind me of him and I get a little sad and miss that stubborn, and sometimes crabby, but wonderful man. And I really wish my grandpa could have known my Journey… my fiery redhead toddler. I think they could have gotten into a lot of trouble together. 🙂
***This is Day 15 of “31 Days of Offering Up” – part of the #write31days challenge. To read all the posts in order, please visit the overview page.***