For as long as I can remember, up until about 10 years ago, being misunderstood had been a fear and a stronghold in my life. For many years, I didn’t talk much in social settings and looking back now, I wonder if some of it (much of it?) had to do with just this issue.
Here’s a crazy one – I have a really weird and irrational fear of making phone calls. You know what is at the root of it? I don’t feel like you can fully understand me unless you can SEE me. This is why I hate making phone calls. I feel I can express myself better in written words so I have no probablem texting, emailing, messaging, etc. As you can see, this is completely irrational because misunderstandings probably happen more through the written word. And you can’t see me while I’m texting you either. Ha! Bottom line, it’s totally one of those areas the enemy can use to mess with my head.
A few years ago, I was going through a God Encounter – basically a weekend focused on letting the Lord bring freedom into your life. That weekend, around 10 years ago, I offered up to the Lord my fear of being misunderstood for the first time. That doesn’t mean I haven’t tried to take back that stupid thing but it means that on that day I recognized a stronghold in my life that was holding me back.
As my husband would tell you, I have since then found my voice – my opinion. I’m more free in my identity and being me than I have ever been and in that, my fear of being misunderstood is a constant offering up.
Letting the Lord encounter me in church is an offering up because when you see me bawling my eyes out, you may think something is wrong but usually everything is actually oh so right.
Sharing an extravagant blessing with you is an offering up because you may misunderstand and think that I don’t encounter any hardships and life is just a walk in the park for me.
On the flip side, sharing my hardships may paint an illusion that I’m broken or living in a place of ungratefulness. When actually I’m so aware that many people have it much worse than me and I know that I’m just in the middle of my process – not completely through it yet.
So my journey of offering up being misunderstood has continued since that day when I nailed the written word ‘misunderstood’ on a wooden cross at a church in Nebraska. I became aware of the sacrifice that would need to be made for me to live in freedom – offering up the risk of being misunderstood so that I can be fully me.
***This is Day 5 of “31 Days of Offering Up” – part of the #write31days challenge. To read all the posts in order, please visit the overview page.***