Jumping back into the world of blogging feels a bit like trying to jump into a game of jumprope. Two friends, spinning the rope… you stand watching, waiting for just the right time to jump in, hoping to stay in rhythm with the rope as it swings.
When Holy Spirit told me to take a 6 month break from writing last December, it felt right and good. And, as the weeks progressed into January and February, it was quite obvious that I needed the break, as I wouldn’t have had an extra minute to get my thoughts down and submitted to cyber space.
In mid-June, I felt like it would be time to jump back into the blog world in July but, over the last 11 days, I’ve watched the rope turn, waiting for the right words, the right time. And, as in life, there often is no “right timing” – and sometimes you just have to jump and hope for the best.
A few years ago, my husband spoke a profound statement that rings completely true in this season of life. “God don’t need your ducks.” (Yes, that’s terrible grammar. But yes, that’s the way it really needs to be said.)
I seem to really want to have my, proverbial, ducks in a row. I am a planner – who loves the planning more than the carrying out of the plan. I love schedules and organization, and when there is none, I throw up my hands and just watch the chaos, not quite knowing just what to do. I like schedules. I like new seasons because of the fresh start of getting things in order.
But, lately, there is no order. I feel like I’m watching ducks run around the room like curious toddlers in a new space. I can’t quite get my sh** together as I’d like.
No, as it is, this post is being written at 2am after laying in bed, willing to go to sleep, but the words just started to fill my head and there was no falling asleep. My “ducks” are disobedient children that I can’t control.
And so I will just… jump. Jump into the spinning rope and hope for a rhythm. It’s a game of trust. Trusting that God doesn’t need my ducks in a row and that He truly has the reigns of my life.
Indeed, I speak of a world much bigger than the one of written words on a blog page. Yes, in this season, He is taking away my security of ducks and rows, and He is asking me to trust.
Trust in His faithfulness. Trust in His planning. Trust in His organization. Trust in His calendar.
THIS is not easy for someone He’s gifted to plan, to schedule, to organize. Laying aside the things you do well is dang scary. Because, if you aren’t doing the things you do well, you’re left with the things you don’t do well. And no one likes to suck at life.
But THAT is exactly where I am. Unsure of where and when to jump in… because I don’t want to fail.
Even in that, I am reminded of the familiar verse,
“Each time He said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.” (NLT)
2 Corinthians 12:9 is a great verse to quote, a daunting one to live.
I love living in my strengths, my gifts, my capabilities. I love having my ducks in a row and then asking God to come bless the row of ducks. I love already being in the rhythm of the twirling jump rope.
But this time – right now – I am learning to trust that He is able to move without my strengths. He is able to move in weakest moments and without my ducks.